


What We Lost In The Fire

by GalracatKeith (SpaceDanster)



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Day 28, Established Relationship, I promise, Keith Is Not Having A Good Time, Keith has nightmares about his dad's death, Keitor Month 2020, M/M, Nightmares, Soft Lotor (Voltron), Someone gets stabbed, Violence Warning, despite the sad stuff it has an happy ending okay, it gets pretty graphic, mentions of fire and papa koganes death, quintessence and all that, the nightmare morphs into Lotor losing his marbles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-28
Updated: 2020-01-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:40:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22455883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpaceDanster/pseuds/GalracatKeith
Summary: Day 28: Nightmare“Dad? Where are you?” Keith’s voice cracked painfully, eyes searching desperately for the familiar silhouette. Broad shoulders, warm eyes and a kind smile. He would give anything to see him one last time, one last hug, just one last time to finally say goodbye. Keith ran up another flight of stairs, despite every fiber of his body telling him the old wooden building could collapse at any moment. The panic coursed through his chest, fresh tears springing from his eyes from the unbearable heat all around him. The fire was licking at his boots, but he couldn’t think of it, he had to move. He had to find him.
Relationships: Keith/Lotor (Voltron)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 53
Collections: Keitor Month 2020





	What We Lost In The Fire

_Let it burn up to the sky,  
There is a freedom you cannot deny  
I can rebuild bigger and higher  
I can replace what we lost in the fire_

Smoke was overwhelming his senses, blurring his vision to the point he could barely see through the fog around him. A violent cough racked through his body, easily making him miss his next step. He hissed as his hand landed on a piece of burning ember, forcing himself back to his feet with a cry to continue his search

“Dad!” Keith called out, his throat raw as he searched through the burning building.He had to be in here somewhere, was it the fourth floor? Maybe the third? God, why couldn’t he remember-  
“Dad, please!” He couldn’t let this happen again, just this once, let him reach his dad in time. Please. Just one more step forward, then he would have to sidestep the falling log, and only then would he reach the staircase. Another cough rasped its way past his lips, and Keith lifted a hand to keep the red bandana from slipping from his face, all the while forcing his way through the thick smoke that would suffocate him unless he moved faster. 

“Keith?” At the sound of the familiar voice calling his name, Keith bolted up the creaking staircase with only one thought in mind. Saving John Kogane, once and for all. He almost tripped over his own feet as he ran into the room, only to halt to a stop when all around him was nothing but fire. The heat lapped at his jacket, his hair, his face, threatening to swallow him whole unless he got moving. He wasn’t there. Again.

“Dad? Where are you?” Keith’s voice cracked painfully, eyes searching desperately for the familiar silhouette. Broad shoulders, warm eyes and a kind smile. He would give anything to see him one last time, one last hug, just one last time to finally say goodbye. Keith ran up another flight of stairs, despite every fiber of his body telling him the old wooden building could collapse at any moment. The panic coursed through his chest, fresh tears springing from his eyes from the unbearable heat all around him. The fire was licking at his boots, but he couldn’t think of it, he had to move. He had to find him. 

No matter how many times Keith lived through this scenario, it was as vivid as the day it had happened. It had been a normal day, his dad had made Keith’s favorite pancakes. Special pancakes in a vaguely familiar shape, that he had only realized years later had been his dad’s attempt to keep his mom always with them. Keith had laughed as his dad snuck him an extra slice of bacon, chomping it all down as if his life depended on it. He could still remember the somber look in the man’s eyes, watching his every move as if to memorize every moment he spent with his son. Keith had always wondered (even after years of reassurances from Shiro) if his dad blamed him. Maybe he had blamed him for his mom leaving, or for having to raise Keith on his own, living with a secret that would put them both in danger. None of those thoughts had been running through his head back then, sitting by the dinner table watching as his dad finished his coffee. Little Keith would have no idea that his world was about to be turned upside down, and that the quiet desert morning would be the last time they ever had breakfast together. 

How would he had known he would end up standing outside his middle school, waiting for a man who never come back. Waiting, despite his teachers telling him to come with them,explaining something had happened to his dad. His dad, who was already gone by the time Keith had enjoyed the packed lunch he had brought with him to school that day.

“Dad!” Tears were freely flowing down his face, the desperation in his voice increasing for every empty room he came across. He closed his eyes and pushed on, forcing his legs to move faster against the raging inferno.

“Keith, son. You gotta help me!” Keith turned on his heel at the sound, the voice bouncing off the walls around him, making it even harder for him to pinpoint where it originated from. A crash sounded from the floor above him, alerting him just in time to throw himself up the stairs to avoid the rain of fire bursting through the ceiling. A wooden beam crashed down behind him, startling another cry out of him as Keith felt the planks beneath his feet give out. He clutched onto the floor boards ahead of him, forcing his eyes shut, the ringing in his ears nearly drowning out the desperate pleading calling out for him.

The boards he was clutching onto creaked dangerously under the weight of heavy boots, making Keith’s eyes snap open in surprise.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this, it was all wrong. Hundreds of times he’d had this recurring dream, but this was the first time his dad had actually shown himself. His wide smile, suntanned skin, and bright eyes were staring back at him, as if they weren’t standing among the burning inferno that had claimed his life. There was no screaming this time, no burned flesh filling his nostrils until he would wake up in cold sweat with the taste of bile on his tongue. No, this time John was standing before him, smiling as he had done all those years ago in the kitchen.

“Dad?” 

“You did good, son.” John’s voice was as kind as he remembered, holding the same warmth and safety that had once been used to lull him to sleep. The reassurance on his father’s face almost made him for a short moment, forget what was happening around him. Keith had longed to hear those words again, to hear the reassuring words he missed more than anything.

_‘I’m proud of you, Keith.’_

The fire was now closer than ever, surrounding them both. Even if he wanted to escape, it was too late. In a few moments, they would both be swallowed by the inferno, only for the cycle to start a new. 

“Dad, what are you doing?” A motion at the corner of his eyes brought him out of his thoughts, watching as something unfamiliar flickered in his dad’s eyes. A feeling of unease struck him as John moved towards him, the warmth dripping from the man’s face into an unsettling mask. Keith’s breath caught in his throat as his dad once again spoke, only this time, the man’s voice was warped, a cruel imitation of the real thing.

“You never did know when to give up, did you, boy?” His heart broke apart in his chest at the words, his grip on the floorboards tightening painfully. The broken skin of his bleeding fingers were painting the floors red, hands numb from his tight grip. The wet surface almost caused Keith to slip, eyes finding the man towering over him with a distressed yelp.

“You look so much like your mother.” His dad- _no, not his dad, he had to remind himself_ , stared back at him with nothing but emptiness behind his eyes. Keith’s lungs stung painfully as he sucked in a sharp intake of the poisoned air, visibly flinching under the gaze as John took another step towards him. “You should have gone with her, son” There was a pause as the man lifted a heavy boot, only to place it firmly across the fingers of Keith’s left hand.

“You killed me.” Wild eyes settled on the silhouette of his dad, backlit by the flames dancing around them. A whimper slipped past Keith’s lip, the foot still clamped down painfully on his hand. Anger and hurt shot through his veins, fueling the despair already threatening to drown him.

“Wh-why?” He forced out, desperately trying to hoist himself up, despite the shape pushing him back against the edge. The heat was unbearable, painting everything in unforgettable shades of red and orange. If the man could only help him get up, Keith could save him. He could-

“You killed me, Keith.” 

“N-no, I-” Keith tried desperately, only to choke on his words as his worst fear once again was brought to life before his eyes.  
Maybe, just maybe his dad would still be alive if Keith had never existed in the first place. He would have gone on to live a normal life, with no oddly shaped pancakes and the memories of purple aliens a constant reminder in the shape of a child. 

A wave of fire burst through the wall behind his dad’s back, engulfing them both in flames. With an ear splitting scream, Keith was once again forced to watch the familiar face get swallowed up by flames. The kind smile returned to John’s face one last time, giving his son a final wave before Keith was flung back into the abyss of the burning building.

\--

Keith had expected to find himself awake and free of the nightmare after the fall, instead  
he found himself with a face full of sand. He shut his eyes tight against the bright light, forcing himself to roll onto his back with a loud groan. His entire body was aching, scorched, the air still smelling of burned wood and just the faintest hint of pancakes.  
Keith belatedly realized he was back in his red paladin armor, recognizing the heavy weight of it against his chest. When he finally forced his eyes open again, there was no evidence of fire, no old wooden house, no nothing. He could feel the sand underneath his fingers, fine unfamiliar grains- So not the desert. That much was clear.

Keith took a deep breath and forced his battered body to move, needing to figure out where he was. No matter how many steps forward he took, it felt as if he had not moved at all. There was nothing familiar about the area, only a bright while light surrounding him for as long as the eye could see.

_Was he dead?_

“Hello?” His voice cracked as he called out, strained from use. As if he had been screaming for hours, and as far as he knew, he might as well have. There was a strange tingling in the air that reminded him of...something, something that had once stained his hand in patches of purple. _Quintessence._

Now that he recognized what it was, the air felt heavy with it. Every breath of air made him feel rejuvenated, the scabs and burns on his hands long gone as he pressed forward. A soft breath left his lips as he came to a stop, eyes sliding shut at the feeling of the quintessence wrapping itself around him like a blanket. Warm. Safe. 

A voice ahead made him snap out of his daze, and Keith dashed forward to find the reassuring voice of his fiance. Maybe he could tell him where he was, and how he got there.

“Lotor!” Keith called out, relief bursting through his chest as the former Prince stepped out of the light. If someone knew what was going on, Lotor would be just the right man to ask. “Thank god you’re here, I don’t know where we are or how we got-” His voice died in his throat as the Galra Prince turned towards him, the soft blues of his eyes replaced entirely by a glowing yellow.

“...Lotor?” Keith tried carefully, his voice but a soft whisper. He took an uncertain step towards his lover, fear building inside his chest at the thick layer of quintessence surrounding his mate. The tale of Zarkon’s corruption flashed before his eyes, the similarities in the prince’s stance and silhouette sending ice through his veins.

“Death to all Galra.” Lotor hissed through sharp canines, his voice staticky and nothing like the smooth velvet Keith had fallen in love with. Before he knew what was happening, his fiance had raised his sword in a swift motion to cut him down. Out of instinct, Keith had pulled out the blade his mother had left him, successfully blocking Lotor’s strike.

It was then, and only then, his eyes once again landed on his own hands. His eyes widened in surprise at the sight, almost leading him to drop his weapon. The skin of his hands had turned a familiar shade of purple, the very color he now seemed to share with his mother. He could only imagine how his mirror image must look, and if his other cheek was now marked, not by another scar, but with the deeper coloration of a Galra. Keith was brought out of his musings when Lotor once again raised his blade, knowingly only too well how much of a skilled fighter his fiance had always been.

“Lotor, please. Stop!” Keith pleaded, the faint hope his heart held breaking apart as the prince snarled at him. The altean markings on Lotor’s cheekbones lit up as he once again threw himself back into the fight, slashing with deadly accuracy everytime Keith was within his grasp. 

How many times did this have to happen to him? How many times would he have to fight the people he loved? How many times would they die and leave him behind? First Shiro, his best friend and now, his fiance, his soulmate.

_He couldn’t take it anymore._

Keith let the blade slip from his fingers, reaching out to grab a hold of the man he treasured above all else. He let his fingers ghost across the faintly glowing markings, smiling as he recalled every time he had placed soft kisses upon them, and the flustered spluttering that would follow. Keith let himself drown in the memories, eyes sliding shut as he would not let this poisoned image of his lover be the last thing he’d see.

“I love you.” 

When Keith had imagined himself perhaps dying in battle, it would have been at the hands of their enemies, or perhaps by sacrificing his own life. Never had it been this. To die at the hands of his soulmate, the prince too far gone in his thirst for knowledge and quintessence to be aware of his actions. Another cry was forced from his lips as the sword was plunged back into his abdomen, his knees buckling underneath him at the terrible pain shooting through his body. His lips tried to form words, halted only by the blood filling his mouth. 

Everything hurt, his body felt as if it once again was set on fire, burning up from the inside out. He wanted to see his mom, to feel her warm hugs again, wondering what she might sound like laughing. 

Lotor.

His sweet prince.

Keith forced his eyes open, the bright lights of nothing meeting him once again where he lay dying. He hears steps once again approach him, but this time, he knows what’s coming. 

What is victory without a clean kill.

Lotor raises his sword, and then there is nothing.

\--

Keith woke with choked cry, sweat beading on his brow while he tried to calm his hammering heart. The tears seemed to have no end where he curled in on himself, shoving the palms of his hands into his eyes in a desperate attempt to rid himself off the images burned into the inside of his eyelids. His dad’s burning body, Lotor’s quintessence poisoned mind having driven the prince mad. His mind lost and Keith unable to save him, nor himself.

“Love, are you alright?” Lotor spoke softly from beside him, his hair mussed and messy from a long night of sleep. The drowsiness was quickly replaced by worry, moving into a sitting position as Keith had yet to answer his question.  
“Keith?” He tried again, only to finally catch a sight of those deep violet eyes. There was a fear he had never witnessed before, a fear running deeper than any bad dream. 

“Lotor?” Keith’s voice was weak and scratchy, and Lotor knew only too well the cause , as it was his partner’s screams that had scared him awake. It was hardly the first time the two of them had woken the other with the nighmares that haunted their every waking hour, but somehow it was different this time. He simply couldn’t tell why.

“I am here, my dear. Do not worry.” The former Prince’s voice was low and soothing, reaching out to wrap The Blade member into a firm but comforting hug. “No matter what you saw, none of it was true. It was simply a dream, love.”  
Keith curled up against Lotor’s chest, lifting his shaking hands to rest them easily on the other Galra’s face. Tears were still rolling down his face when their eyes met, the weight on his chest lifting with ease when he was only met by the concerned blues of Lotor’s eyes. 

“Don’t ever leave me, please.” Keith spoke quietly, brushing his thumbs softly across the marks branded onto the former prince’s cheekbones. A mix between a laugh and sob slipped past his lips as Lotor’s ears twitched slightly a the action, loving how flustered he could make his fiance only with a simple touch. 

“I’m afraid you’re quite stuck with me for the time being.” Lotor finally retorted, clearing his throat to chase away the heat that spread across his face not unlike a wildfire. He hummed quietly, Keith falling against him boneless and tired. The Blade nuzzled his face into the crook of the former Prince’s neck, a long forgotten tune from his childhood bursting to life on Lotor's tongue. If he had ever gotten the chance to know his mother as just that, a mother, and not as a corrupt power hungry witch, he liked to believe she too would have sang to him when he was under great distress. 

“Is that Altean?” Keith murmured lowly, eyes still firmly closed from where he was snuggled up against his fiance’s warm body. Usually when Lotor would teach him Galran phrases, or simply curse, he could recognize at least some of the words. But Lotor’s song, it was something...peaceful about it. It somewhat reminded him of his time back at the Castleship, and the low tunes he had caught Coran humming on whenever the Altean had been hit by an especially somber mood. About his home planet, and King Alfor no doubt.

“I found it while exploring my heritage, many, many decaphoebs ago.” Lotor spoke quietly, his eyes sliding shut at the sound of Keith’s breath evening out. He would hold him for as long the Blade needed, until none of their nightmares could no longer haunt them.

“I like it.” Keith mumbled sleepily, his head lolling against Lotor’s shoulder until he finally slipped back into an easy sleep. Safe in the arms of his lover, safe in his warmth and love. Safe from the nightmares that would haunt him again soon enough. But for now, they would stay away for as long as Lotor was able to keep them at bay. 

And so they would stay, until the sun would break in the morning, coloring the sky in all of the colors that reminded Lotor of Keith, of home. The desert might have been the place where the Blade had grown up, and lost so much. But now, it was their home. And that was how it would stay.

“As do I, my love. As do I.”

**Author's Note:**

> The quote from the start is from Troy Baker's song What We Lost In The Fire. And once again this prompt turned out a lot longer than I had initially planned.


End file.
